Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, beer. Big fan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
