Apparently you make a good broom.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
