I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
