Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
