What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
