Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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