Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
