possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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