So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
