your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think my moral compass just broke
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