Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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