Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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