It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
