Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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