doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
