i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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