You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
farters have to be the big spoon...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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