Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
