He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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