looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
