im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
