can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
