If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
