He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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