He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
