Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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