Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize