It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
