so explain again why im purple
no
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
