What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
