The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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