Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
