remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
