She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
