____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
