Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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