I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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