they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
