I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
