OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
