I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
