I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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