i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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