and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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