It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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