my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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