wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
