i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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