also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
