That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
