2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
