saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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