She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
