I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
