smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
