whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I stole a fireplace last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
