Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize