just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
