Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
