Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize