Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize