He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm at about main and main street
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
