I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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