KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
