When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize