who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
