Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
