things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
