im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
