I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
