genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He has the fingertips of a God
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
