yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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