I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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