What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
