I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
