There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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