She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They took my balls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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