The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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