And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
